Well , tday ... WAIT ! Lemme strt off w/ the rest of yesterday . Ok , I went to piano lessons , it was an easy lesson . Jst went over basics & shaa ! Haha , then I got home & ate my ass off , I ddnt exercise thou ): I was too busy crying . Lemme tell you tht stry . I was jst thinking & reminicsing abt the days when I was happy w/ him & then I jst blew it & let him go , but it was like I ddnt break up w/ him . It was like he broke up w/ me , cos he's alrdy over me , can you believe it ? Idek what to do w/o him in my life . My mom has taught me how to be independent , but he broke down tht shell & I lived offa him & how mch he loved me , it hurts me tht he doesn't even love me anymore tday . & the funny thing is , he wants me dead & he wants me out of his life , & yet , I still love him , very mch . & I still care . Whether or not he cares abt me , I still care . & it's sad cos he's hanging out w/ the WRONG ppl . He became all big headed cos of Jeffrey & tht is jst a turn off ! He smokes ? Or I heard tht he smokes & I hate tht ! & what hurts me the most , is tht , he regrets losing his " you kno what " to me , when I dnt regret losing my " you kno what " to him . I feel like I have to do something to AT LEAST be friends w/ him . But he wants nothing to do w/ me . Like I said some ppl alrdy , he HATES me . I've tried saying srry , but he's being stubborn , hard headed , supersillicous ( look it up if you dnt kno what it mean , I dnt even think tht's how it's spelled , but w/e ) & BIG HEADED . & it's my fault cos I kept asking fr him bck & so I guess it made him feel like he's the shit , honestly , he isn't ! He's jst the love of my life . He may not be the best looking guy out there , but he's all I need . Ppl call me crzy , cos I cnt over him , when I shld , but I still hope & I still think tht there will be a day tht me & him will be together , but at the same time , why shld I hope anymore ? Nothing is happening , my life is getting worse & worse w/o him . I've never been soo jealous of couples in my life . He jst got me so use to being in a relationship , tht I dnt even kno how to let go of him now ): I still wish he was mine . But then he hates me . Jennelyn told me some deep shit last night . She was like ; " Why would you love him after all this shit he's putting you thru ! You can miss him , but do you have to love him ?! I kno you cnt control feelings , but jst try to get over him ! I'm tired of seeing you hurt cos of the SAME guy . Jst move on . Keep moving forward , dnt keep going bck to him . He's jst doing this to break you down , cos he knos tht you have a big weak spot for him . But you have to be stronger than him & out smart him . I kno tht God is doing this to you , so you kno what to do when you go thru it when you're older . " & damn , lemme tell you ! She got me tears . I jst cnt help but fall in love w/ him all over agen . & I was like ; " I jst hate the fact tht he's going after my friends ." Her ; " If those ppl you call your ' friends ' they wldn't be hurting you & talking to him & getting close to him . True friends are the ones tht dnt do tht shit . Ones tht stay by your side no matter what ! " & yeah , knoing ppl , they're gna show this to him , but lemme tell you , he WNT give a shit ! I need him more than anything . Friends tell me tht I shldn't need him after what he's doing to me , but trust me , he holds the key to my happiness & love . He wld bring a smile to my face everyday . I jst really wish he was mine agen . It's hard not talking to him , but I have to be strong & jst live w/ what life throws at me . But before I end this , I need to leave a letter for Brandon ...
Brandon ;
If you're reading this , you mean so mch to me . & I kno you cld careless abt me now , but I jst needa tell you tht I love / miss / care for you ! No matter what ! & ppl tell me , to jst get over you , but I jst cnt . & if I had the chance to show you tht I've really changed & tht I'm really srry for what I did , I promise you , you wldn't regret it . I promise I wld be the best I can be . I wld like to be yours agen , but then why wld you get bck w/ me after what I did ? Idk , but haven't you ever heard tht 3rd times the charm (: Well , I wld jst like to show you tht I've changed & if we cnt be together , I'd at least like to be your friend . Cos it's better than nothing . I jst miss hanging out w/ you . We were suppose to be like Jason & Megan , but it all fell aprt cos of my dumbass ! I'm srry for everything . But please , gimme the chance to prove to you tht I will be the best you ever had . I'm srry , I really am ! I mean it frm the bottom of my heart . But why wld you get bck w/ someone tht is fat & sings like a pregnant whale ? Idk .. You really got me w/ tht one . I stopped singing , sometimes I dnt even talk "/ & I've been excercising like crzy , except for yesterday . I barely ever eat , except for yesterday . Haha , but please , jst gimme the chance to prove it to you tht I've changed . Please ? It'll mean a lot to me . Idk what else to say except for I love you & care for you a lot ! & I miss you too , a lot !
Well , tday . I woke up at like 12 30 . & then I went on this & decided to tell you abt my day . Hahha . Mm , I stayed in bed & I woke up to a dream tht felt so real . But when I woke up , it was all dis - satisfaction "/ I wish every dream I had is real , but it jst cnt be & tht's the sad thing . Well , I have to go walk my dog , so byee (:
Tell me abt your day thru MS (: Asta la bye bye .
w/ everlasting <333 , ____CaseyAnn !
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