Southside - Lloyd ft Ashanti .

 This song reminds me of someone (: haha . idek why when me & him dnt gttta keep shit on the DL , but we are wanting alone times (; haha . & not like that , GETCHHA HEAD OUT THE GUTTERS . ahahaha , who fuckin says that ? Besides my 8th grade English teacher . hahahaha !

Southside - Lloyd

37

more days till my birthday . JANUARY 6, 2010 ! Remember the date (:
Hahaha , starting the count down early !

Annoyed .

Something jst triggered my nerves & I'm annoyed as fuck . Like wth ? I'ma jst keep my mouth fuckin shut now .. Fuck this ..
Can't wait to hit the gym thou . Fuck foood now -____-' But dnt wrrry , I'll still eat ... Food was my bestfriend , but now it's becoming my worst enemy ..

It kinda seems as if nothing right is gna turn my way , that's one thing that's annoying me . The other thing is , I wsnt born w/ the right genes . Everyone says ; " you're so pretty " , " you're gorgeous " , blahblahblah ! STOP LYING TO ME ! Thanks . Uggh , idddk . I'm jst so fed up w/ so much shit . I'm also annoyed at the fact that I cnt be happpy right now .

Kinda sucks now that I'm crying ...

Fuuuuh ..

I'm arrrdy missing the City life . But then when I'm there , I gt so ome sick & I miss my mommmy ): geeeeze , I'm so weird .

Well , lemme tell you abt my weekend . Friday , I went down to my daddy's house . Went shoppping the next day (: Felt bad cos my grandma spent nearly 200 on me "/ Srrry grandma . At least now you dnt have to wrrry abt me on Christmas (: hahaha . Then the bonfire was a no show ): Hellllla nigggas flaked . Wanted to get to that Function , but no money . Sunday ( tday ) , I got my nails done , then went shopping agen . haha , yeee . Then we went to get fooood (: Then we hit the road back to Vallejo . Haaaayla weak . We were stuck in traffic fr the longest time & I had to go pee soooo bad ! hahaha . But now , I'm finalllly home to my new tv , & my mommy & step daddy once agen (:

In between those hours , hellla shit went down . Friday night , me & my brother snuck out the house cos he wanted to see his gf . They were drinking , I ddnt want to .. laaaying off that shit thou . stayed out till like 3 ? then got back home . haaah . Saturday , I met this niggga , Michael Pagaduan . He helllla dope & sweeet (: hahahah . & tday , nothing reallly went down . I woke up at 8 fr some reason , but then I went back to sleep & slept fr 3 hrs . haaah . & now , I gtttta get to that hw -____-' shieeeet . wellll , I'ma head out . Peaaace bitch (:

Hahahaha !

I find it funny how my uncle can be so careless abt shit & not give a fuck . My role model (x

My uncle Randy is the shit thou , he's the best . He's like the biggest little kid ever (: & thaas my uncle , srrrry ! I wnt share him either . He can be jst so chill & high , sky hiiiigh . ahahah ! He got some game thou .  He be oulllllin them young ass females & shit . & he's like 34 , & he be pulllin them 23 / 24 yr olds . ahaaaah . Maccccckin . If you met him & jst spent a few hours w/ him , you wnt get bored at all . He alwaays be givin me bruises thou -____-' but it's all outtta love (: yeeee . hahaha .

* sigghs .

So , I'm prettty much in Sf . My home town . I hellla miss living out here . Wish I cld live out here agen , but I'm happy in Vallejo . Jst gna keep switching back & forth , every other weekend .  At least try to . But chyeaaah . gttta head out now . Dueces .

Happy Turkey Day (:

Tday was pretty dope (: Finally got to see him (x Hm , so what happpened ? Hellla shit . He honestly made my Thanksgiving worth while . We were planning to watch Up , but that was a fail . We ended up watching the rest of the episodes to Rob&Big . Then we were watching Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factor .

Thanksgiving was pretty good thou . I ddnt have to wrry abt a thing . I love that feeling when you're around family & a certain someone , & they make you feel as if nothing can go wrong , ykno ? I love  that feeling . Cos fr once in the longest time ever , I got to be stress free (: & it was greaat . & I finally got to see him in what felt like forever . Thank goodness :D haha .

NOV. 25 , 2009 .

So yesterday was prettty fun . The daily shit went down . Woke up , wash my face , brush my teeth , & then .. clean . After that , I got rdy , watched My Sister's Keeper , FINALLY ! Thaat shit got me crying like 4 times ! maaaan , it's jst that there are scenes that are so intense . But anywaay , after watching that I was headed to the plaza . It was my 3rd time watching New Moon (x hahahah , we were hellllllla loud . Lol . But after awhile , Ashley was gettting annoying , but I love her no matter what (: hahaha ! Then we started walking around & we took pictures . haha . I saw Anthony there (: & other ppl . We decided to go watch them dance since they were slaaaapn . hahha . Toook pictures there . & the funny thing is that I took Anthony's board & I wanted to try , but I decided to jst sit on it & get pushed some where . My immature moment xD hahaha ! You arrdy kno doe . & then , yeaah . I kept stealing Nicole frm Ej , pwahahaha ! What else happpened ? Nothing reallly , we jst took pictures , after we went to L&L , & took pictures . Then we ate . Yummmm (: hahaha ! It was prettty dopppe . The only thing I dnt like abt L&L is the nigga there that works there helllla be looking at you , like wtf ? It's weird O.o but yeaah ! my daay was prettty dope & it's still continuing till now (x I love these girlys :D What kept me going in the beginning of it all thou . & always will . Even thou we do have a distance . We're still there fr each other , no matter whaaaat (: Lovin them till the end . Alwaays .

The Proposal ( favorite part thou )

One more post fr the night , & there will be more around 1 or 2 ish . haha .

hahahahaha , this was my favorite part of the whole movie . It was funnny as fuck (x hahahaha ! watch this shit .

Jst the thought abt him .

<---- Guess who ! hahaha ! Yes , Cris (: & srrry ladies , he's mine ! So back the fuck off ! (: thanks . hahaha . welll , yeaaah . I've been talking to this little big kid fr abt 2mnths now & even thou we dnt go out , it's like we basically do . So ppl have said . But realllly , it is . Esp Katheryn knos it . She's alwaays buggging me like ; " You & Cris shld go out arrrdy ! " I'm like ; " Damn , it aint my fault he hsnt popped the question ! " hahahaha ! But yeaaah , I'm crazy abt this guy right here . He's the one that's been making me happpy , even when I'm feeeling at my worst . & the funny part is when girls call him cute . ahahaha , makes me be like ; " Yeaaah , I kno . Tell him something he dsnt kno & something I dnt kno . " ahahaha . But reallly , he is . Right ?! Rhetorical question . Meaning , dnt answer that (x but anywaay , like I said , he's the one that has beeen putting that smile on my face . He's the one that's been making me feel my best when I'm at my worst . The one that gives me those hugs that I love so much . & when I turn & I see him looking at me , it gives me butterflies . Like , I cnt even explain the feeling I get when I see him , or even jst the thought of him gives me this feeling that I cnt even explain . But I kno it's a good feeling (: & I hope I dnt lose him anytime soon , actually I hope I dnt lose him at all . He's one of the things I'm thankful fr in my life . It's funny cos he's the one of the reasons I get my ass to school . The reason why I actually try . & the reason why I'm happppy :D & fr Thanksgiving , I'ma really say this ; " I'm thankful that Cris walked in my life (: " ahahaha ! Like freaal . hahaha , cos I am . My mom will be like ; " Ang corny na man . " But aye ! it's truuuue (: haha . Wellll , I'ma get back the fun & get off this shit . Cris , if you're reading this , I love you (:

Overwhelmed ...

w/ so much .. SHIT . I'm suppose to be working on an essay , but that hsnt had much success . I'm slacking so much & stalling in so many ways possible . My goal is to at least get SOME of my essay done . I got 5 more days to turn it in fr my full amount of credits , but 6 to get late credit . Fuuuh -___-' I'm trying my best to put my all in this . But my mind has been some where else fr the past few days . I've been focusing more on Cris , what I'm gna wear , how I shld do my hair , how I'm gna clear up my acne , when am I gna get my nails done , when am I gna get my blackberry , & a whole other load of shit . I need to be more content w/ my shit . It's gna gettting pretty old how materialistic I can be . Trying to break that habit of getting what I want & jst learn to be content to the most part . I'm gettting there thou . I need to realize that we're living in a world w/ a horrible economy -___- I'm trying to get my mind on the right track agen .Trying to break away frm the drama , & finally step into the sunlight of a stress free life . Uggh , I cnt wait till my weekend in the City . Where I'm able to not stress abt anything & jst let loose . & jst ... be me ! Looking forward to that right there . But I'm also looking forward to see Cris (:

My Christmas / Birthday wish list .

Christmas ;
- Bonding time w/ the family
- Him (:
- Blackberry Curve
- $$$
- clothes ( small / medium , 7 fr jeans )
- shoes ( size 4 , confirm it wit me thou )
-Anything frm BABWS ( Build A Bear WorkShop )
- Anything frm HK
- To at least see Ryan Manlangit agen
- To see Tara Bristol agen
- Meet Taylor Lautner
- Meet Robert Pattinson
- Meet Selena Gomez
- Meet Rachel McAdams

Birthday , January 6 , 2010 ;
- Fun
- Less stress
- NO more drama
- $$$
- Balloons
- A dozen red roses
- Anything frm BABWS ( Build A Bear WorkShop )
- Anything thaas HK
- A big ass card (:
- hugs
- NO bday hits
- A video frm Ryan Nguyen
- See Ryan Manlangit ( if I ddnt get to see him fr Christmas )
- To see Tara Bristol agen
- Meet Taylor Lautner
- Meet Robert Pattinson
- Meet Selena Gomez
- Meet Rachel McAdams
( only if I ddnt get to fr Christmas )

Uggh .

My dad can be the biggest dick head ever -_____-'
he's more sarcastic than I am & it's annoying as fuck .

My thoughts .

So , I was wanting to go to sleep , but my reading habits got the best of me -___-' I was reading while Cris was sleeping on the phone . haha , after 3 hours , the call ended . I ddnt bother to call back , cos I ddnt wna wake him (: haha . But during the call , I was reading , End of the Spear . My oh myy , that book is reallly good . If you dnt kno what it's abt , it's abt this guy , Steven Saint , who when he was I think , 5 , his father went on a missionary trip to seek out & find the Woudani tribe . & on his trip , the Woudani tribe brutally attacked & killed him . Along w/ 5 other men . & after that had happened , a few years later , him & his family & others decided to go back & help them . They gave them food , taught them important things , they treated them w/ medicinal needs , & such . & the most important was they taught them & preached the word of God . They baptised them , & converted them to christians . Christianity was what changed the Woudani tribe . & yeaah , I read that book , then maybe after an hour , I started feeling tired , but then I turned off my lights & closed my eyes , then ... they jst wldnt shut -____-' I stayed up fr like 2 hours jst thinking & looking at the ceiling , it was my own personal alone time . The only time I was ever really given to think to myself & jst ... think . hahahha .

I thought abt how life wld be w/o certain ppl . How life wld of been if I was still w/ a certain someone , & how things wld be different , if I never met Cris . I thought abt random stuff , & how things wld be if me & my brother never became close . How everything wld be different w/ one shift in it . & then I was being thankful to the things I have now . & surprisingly , I'm thankful fr the shit I have to go thru right now cos if I was going thru this , I wldnt the one I am tday . I probably wldnt be capable of dealing w/ it in the future . The shit I go thru now prepares me fr the future . Cos there are times where we have to let go of the past to live the present & get thru w/e comes our way in the future . & btw ,  I went to sleep at like 3 30 & woke up at like 1 15 -___-' & I'm still tired . I think I'll take a nap later .

My day .

So tday was pretty good . Whack at first , but it turned out to be goood (: haha . This is what went down .

Went to sleep at like 3 last night , woke up hellla early cos my mommy wanted to go out & eat . ahahaha ! & then after we ate , we got rdy & went to go to the movies . Met up w/ my auntie & the little munchkins . it's sad cos they're almst my height & they're in Elementary -____-' shit , i neeeda hurry up & grow . Lol . But yeaah , you're probably wondering what I watched & this shld be no shocker here , i went to go see New Moon , agen (x ahahaha ! it was goood . I was loud thou during the movie . I jst cldnt help it . Taylor Lautner's body is sooo mmmmm (; hahahaha ! Geeeeze . & his abs & when she was hugging him , i was like ; " She's so lucky ! " hahahahaha ! & they started laughing at me . But overall , it was gooood :D & then what else happpened ? Nothing reallly . Lol . Went home , cleaned up a bit , cooked dinner , watched part of End of the Spear till my mom insisted on watching the corny ass tagalog movie . ahahaha ! it was goood thou . It made me laugh (: & then we watched another one , but it was more of a drama one . haha , i was knocked out thou . So only my mom watched it . hahaha , i slept gooood thou (: & then yeaah . that was abt it . nothing else reallly happened after that . Went to go get ice cream , & then I'm doing this . Btw , I watched Stairway to Heaven . My fuckin soap opera thou (; hahahah !

P.S. Dnt be surprised if I come back to school w/ a bigger butt (x ahahaha !

A Four Letter Word .

LOVE : We think abt it , sing abt it , dance abt it , & loose sleep wrrying abt . When we kno we dnt have it , we search fr it . When we discover it , we dnt kno what to do w/ it . When we have it , we fear loosing it . It's a constant source of pleasure & pain . We dnt kno which it'll be frm one moment to the next . It is a short word , easy to spell , difficult to define , & IMPOSSIBLE to live w/o .

I kno I blogged this quote before , but now that I think abt it ... it is impossible to live w/o . I kno I probably dnt kno what to do if he was to leave me . But we alwaays search fr it when we dnt have it . & yeah , there are ppl that say they arent looking , but they really are . & it's funnny cos we're always so scared to loose the one we love . & honestly , I've fallen in love . I was scared to take the risk & I still am . but I'm taking baby steps . I kno he's scared too & I hope he's taking baby steps as well . It has been 2 months of talking & I'm glad we havent jumped right to going out cos I probably wld've dropped him . Falling & being caught is the best feeling that I've felt in awhile . Esp frm him . Jst the simple things he does makes me feel like everything is jst fine . Even thou right now he's annoyed & possibly annoyed at me , haha , makes me feel like he really does care . Even thou we had mini arguments , it jst shows that he cares & ofcourse I care too (: I wna make him my everything , but I'm to scared to take the risk cos of what happened in my past relationship . But I'm doing my best to break down that wall of being scared . I'm trying my best to be his (: I kno he loves me too , & I'll never forget how he said it to me too (: the exact date was November 14 , 2009 (: my backyard looking at the view (: hahaha ! I wld kno , cos it was the night of the Pacquiao fight . The night he sat on me ! ahahahah ! geeeeze -____-' but no matter what , I love him . " I'm down fr you baby . " & Cris , if you're reading this , I'm srrry fr w/e & everything . Jst kno thaat I love you (: w/ all my heart . I'm glad I met you & I'm thankful fr you . Babe , I love you & I miss you , a lot . If I dnt get to see you this week , I'ma be maad . I cldnt take you out my head tdaay , it's craaazy . haha ,  but I love you babe (:

A&F ; CaseyAnn :D

Trust feat. Monica - Keyshia Cole

2012

dun da da duuuuuuuuh ! the movie , critics is raving abt ! ahahaha , lets cut that shit out . So if you havent seen this ? Srry to kill it fr you .

So 2012 starts off off in 2009 , & speeds up right to the point , 2012 . the day the world comes to a complete end . 12.21.12 . So , back in 2009 , they discover & learn abt what will happen , they speed up time & show how they're working on it . things happened , & such . ( i dnt wna spoil those parts fr you ) . They mentioned Christians , ONE time in the whole damn movie . but anywaay , there's a family of 4 , but the parents are divorced , & the ex wife has a bf . In the end , he dies -___-' srrrry to spoil that . In the movie , they show the world having mini quakes that break the earth's ground . The Earth's crust shifts . The polar ice caps shift . the North Pole becomes which we will kno it was the South Pole . Everything goes below sea level , ppl falling into the molten lava . Jst crazy madness shit happening that I wldnt live thru . I wld jst die right then & there . It was pretty good movie , fast pace movie thou . Gttta give my props to the ppl that made that shit look so reaal . there are scenes that wld make you wna cry . So get rdy (: & dnt get paranoid . all I gttta say .  haha , but overall  , it was a good movie . I suggest you go watch it .

I dnt wna start ...

jumping to conclusions but daaamn . I'm helllla uggh right now . I'm in the mix of sad , disappointed , mad , & jst ... BLAAAAH . I hellla dnt wna get hurt agen , but then I wna be happpy . But how can I be happpy w/ a chance of me gettting hurt ? I haven't felt like this in awhile .. To think that I was really gna give him my all , my heart , my everything .. but if it's one thing , I learned to never let anyone be my everything , cos when they're gone , I'll have nothing .. but eventually , you'll gain your everything back . w/ or w/o that person ..


fuuuh , i cant go any further w/ this . I neeeda vent to Dominic , i'm done w/ this fr now .. bye . I neeeeda get my shit straight before I can actually go any further .

Yesterday ...

was pretty fun . It was a good day . I went to go see New Moon (: & my brother & sister in law went to go see Precious . Haha , I hellla wna see that . & I also wna see The Blind Side & ofcourse , Eclipse ! Comes out June 30 , 2010 :D Helllllla excited fr that thou .

Well , yesterday was a day spent well w/ him . At lunch , we were light weight PDA . hahah , it was cute thou . & then when we went to the movies , met up with him . Mom ddnt kno he was there , so shhhh . & during the movie , he kept wanting to squeeze me . Like wth ? hahaha . it was funnny . & that dork wanted to do 100 kisses . Ahahahaha , i cldnt do it thou . I kept laughing , but then we finally did it . ahahaha ! WHOOO ! (x & when Jacob finally cut his hair & was finally shirtless , I kept squeezing Cris' hand & he got all mad & then he was like ; " get off ! " I was like ; " Bitch ! " I ddnt say it to him , I jst thought it to myself . Hahahaha , but yknno . & then he wld say that I got butt hurt ! Whaaaat thaaaa helllll ?! Ahahaha , this nigggga . & ommmg , Anthony & Cris were so retarded , when it was starting , they started screaming like girls & then the girls started screaming too & then when they finallly showed Edward ( Robert Pattinson ) , they were like ; " Whooo ! Sexy ! " hahaha , & then when they heard Jacob's ( Taylor Lautner ) voice , they did the same thing & when they showed him w/ his long hair , they were like ; " Ugggggh . " Hhahahaha , it was funnnny . & yeah , it was prettty funnny . But overall , it was a goood day & it was a most def good movie (: i'm in love w/ it & w/ him . But then after the movie , we went to L&L , Kuya wanted to go to Applebee's thou . If only he was paying thou . hahaha . But yeah , jst stuck with L&L . All good thou , next time (x & I'm waiting patiently till Eclipse comes out . REMEMBER THE DATE ; JUNE 30 , 2010 .

Ahh , I'm feeling very exuberant tday , gta go to a party & then I'm gooooone . I gta clean the kitchen first -____-' Shieeeet , I'll tell you how tday goes , later .

NEW MOON .

Ahh , New Moon . haha , this movie was actually good (: ofcourse I'ma say that thou . Lol , Taylor Lautner is .. WHOOO ! He's body is amazing . Like you have no idea . Oh maaan . & like yeah .If you haven't seen it , I think this will be a killer .So , it starts off as it does in the book . She's in her dream which seems as if it's real & she sees this old lady across the field . Edward comes out of no where & then she finally realizes that the old lady is her . Haha , yes . It's her . She wakes up & it's her birthday . As you have seen the trailer , she gets a paper cut , Jasper gets all .. iddk how you wld describe it as , but I'd say he gets angry . Or as TRUE fans would say , he gets " thirsty " fr her blood . Edward leaves her & honestly the only thing abt the movie is that it leans more on how she's so in love w/ Edward , but starting to get attracted to Jacob . It's a good love story , but really ! Go fr Jacob ! He's good fr her , am I right ?! Geeeze -____-' there were so opportunities fr them to kiss , but it jst ddnt happen . Goodness gracious . There was barely any action , had a few laughs , serious , sweet moments , & such . It was crazy how after Edward had left her , every night she wld have a dream abt the day she got bit by .. what's his face ?! Idek . haha , remember the guy frm the first one ? Well yeah ! They went away after she started hanging w/ Jacob more . But overall , the movie was a hit & I'm in love w/ it . Next movie I'm looking forward to is : The Blind Side , Precious , & The Fourth Kind . & OFCOOOURSE , ECLIPSE ! :D teehee ! & the ending , I wnt ruin that fr you . But you'll be shocked ! & most def , you'll be anxious to watch Eclipse . Whoooo !

& tday , was a good day . A good day spent well w/ ykno who (; haha . He's the sweetest guy . It was funnny & yet embarrassing how Anthony & Cris were screaming like girls when the movie started & them femaales started doing the same thing , like wtf ? & Cris wld get mad every time I wld squeeze him when I saw Taylor :D but anywaay , tday , in first I found myself thinking abt how things were before I started talking to him & I actually started laughing out loud to the whole situation . idk why , it's jst funny how we met . But I'll blog abt my day & the story , laater .. I'm out thou . Byeee (:

Is This Even Worth It ?

Is it? I'm tired of having to go through so much drama. Maybe I'm feeling like this cos of my period. I'm more sensitive to things like this at this time of month -___-' I hate the fact that she's actually telling everyone that has NOTHING to do with this situation. It's so stupid. Sometimes I find myself too mature for the people I hang around with. I find myself rather wanting to hang out with the guys than the girls. Girls are cool when you need someone to talk to, when you need someone to understand what you're going through & all that jazz . But then guys are jst so chill & layed back, & they wont start shit. They're awfully more immature at times, but it's fine cos they know how to have fun & jst lay back . ya feel ? & maaaayn . Man oh man , did I have some issues with " ykno who " earlier tday . Crazy ! haha , but we're good now (: thank goodness .

& ykno how i said tht I have a feeling as if everything is my fault ? I still have tht feeling -____-' its been getting the best of me . I havent had much confidence .. I was walk around as if everyone is judging me & thinking negatively . Esp tday . Jst ppl kept looking -____-' I hated it . I wanted to die . & tday after school I was blowing up in ppls faces ! you have no idea . I was so tense & jst yellling at ppl like wtf ? I was crazy after school . Stupid period . But it's their fault , they shldve nvr took my shoe ! ahahaha ! Fuckin bastards . Jk . But I think that's abt it . My whole day at school . But no ! Fuckn Mennen made me feel bettter . He was hellllllla making me & Katheryn laugh . He was making all these faces & what not . It was helllla funny . ahahah ! You shlda been there .

Fireflires - Owl City .

" It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep "


" But I'll know where several are if my dreams get real bizarre 'cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar "


^^ those wld have to be my favorite lyrics of the song . They do say a lot . The song in my opinion is annoying , but as you listen to it & open your mind & listen to the words , you'll really like it . I found myself being hypocritical abt this song . I'd hear someone singing it & get annoyed , but then now I see myself listening to it & singing it . Ahh , hypocritical much ? Oh yess . But as I said in my last blog , how I wish to get away frm everything , this song helps me . Cos this song takes me to a place where I wld love to go everyday . The world I wld love to wake up & go to sleep to . Ah , how beautiful music can help you escape & make you believe something is the way you want it to be . But then as soon as reality comes , everything is gone ... & tht's the thing abt us , we always try to make things we want them to be . We're always wanting to hear what we wna hear & when we dnt , we get .. butt hurt . I guess tht's the word . Idddk . But jst how I wish I can escape & yes , " I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly . "  & oh so very much am I weird cos I hate goodbyes & got misty eyes as they said farewell ...

Fireflies - Owl City

Over Stressed -____-'

Fuuuh , how do I go frm a B to a fucking D ?! Like freaal thou . Uggh , this menstration is gettting the best of me -____-' I'm tired of having this period . I feel hella bad cos I took out my stressing & anger out on Cris . Srrrry . If you're reading , this i'm srrry . Uggh , i jst hate being on my period . This is the worst I've ever gotten . I fuckin started crying cos of me stresssing too much . Yknno ? The feeling where you're at the point where you dnt kno how to let it out & all tht does come out of you are the tears . Ykno ? Ugh , I'm fat , bloated , breaking out -__- , slackin , & ugly ! Ugggh , so much low self esteem . Fuuck ! I'm like reallly wanting to jst play my music & dance like a damn fool . Escape to a world where only I exist & i can have the freedom to express myself w/ vivid language & movements .  Having the freedom to let myself loose , but not too loose . Dance the way I want to w/o anyone having to say anything abt it . Being able to not give a damn what anyone else thinks cos it's only you . Oh how I wish I cld jst escape sometimes . My sweet sweet sweet escape . The only place I ever feel myself is far frm everyone .. my room ,  or the way I feel when I look at my view gives me the feeling like i'm in my own world , but as soon as reality hits you in the face , everything shatters . & then you try so hard to go back to tht place & nothing happens . & then ... you're under stress . Tired of it . I wnnna get a way frm it . So done . Uggh , CRAMPS -____- fuck fuckity fuck fuck .

PACQUIAO vs. COTTO .

What can I say ? We got our moneys worth (: freaal doe . this time , there was no splitting up the room in two , cos we arrdy knew that Pacquiao was finnna win :D you arrdy kno doe . But tht niggga is starting to get cocky & yess , <---- that nigga . hahaha ! But his mom is ruining rep ? iddk abt tht . tell me abt it sometime . neeed get up to date w/ this . but anywhhho , tht fight maaaayn . it was hellllla funnnny . cos I invited ppl , but the guys were the ones that ended up coming . Like Mennen , Cris , & Anthony . it funny was thou . Mennen was helllla craving a drink . I told him to wait till my brother got home frm Camille's ( his gf ) house .  it was funny , cos he kept asking me questions & he wldnt even wna ask my dad & when i asked my dad , he was like ; " what ?! Nooo . she's crazy ! " hahahaha , this niggga ! i fuckin love Mennen thou . tht's my brother doe (:  nothing i can say abt it . he's been there fr me & i've been there fr him . but chyeaah , when my brother got home , he hooked up Mennen w/ beer & some bacardi , i guess . & Anthony had some , i think . iddk , they told me . me & Cris were sitting on the couch , watching he PRE fights . haha . & i was eating like there was no tmo . hahah , Cris said i was fat , tht meanie butt -____- but aye ! My brother approves of him :D hahaha , yaaay ! & they all think my brother is cool . hahah , i guesss . but no , tht bitch fuckin sat on me ! ahahahahaha !

heavy ass bitch . ahahaha , joke laang . helllla fob doe . but anyway . yeaah , they were ripped . ahahaha , it was funnny cos during the fight , all you really heard was Anthony & Mennen yelling . Hahaha , & when ever they showed the replays , my family was like ; " oooooooooooooo . " Ahahaha , helllla loud too . & the little munchkins were like ; " Go Pacquiao ! " hahaha ! it was cute . & they hellla liked Jermaine . he has a good personality (x & he's fuckin 7 , but looks 5 . ahahaha , it's funnny . but shyeaah . I had a good day (: the highlight of my night was when me & Cris went to go look out at the view :D I loved that part of my night . hahaha . Ahhh , but that fight thou . helllllla crazy . there were hellla predictions thou . 3rd round prediction , 9th round prediction & all these other ones . like wtf ? They had to stop the fight thou . at the 12th round . Like not even close to the end , kinda . hahaha , they stopped it . My dad was like ; " THEY STOPPED IT ! " hhahahahah , idddk , you jst had to hear him . Mm , Pacquiao & Mayweather ? tht'll be a good fight ? Iddk , Mayweather irritate the shit outtta me . but you arrdy kno we finnna have a party at my house if tht fight happpen . So get there , IF it do happen . & lemmmme tell you the shit tht went down before & after the fight . ahahah , so before , i got rdy , cleaned the bathroom -___-' & all the other preparations before everyone got to the house was done by my mom & dad . Me & grandma are starting to talk agen , but it was better when I wsnt . tht was mean , but yknno . then when Cris , Anthony , & Mennen got to the house , we were jst in the garage , Cris & Anthony were quiet as fuck playin Guitar Hero . Me & Mennen were taking pictures & then we played ping pong . i won thou , he jst dnt kno it . ahahaha ! & he was riding my moms bike . hahahah , iddk how to ride a bike (x ahahahaha ! it's true thou . then my brother came , got them drinks , & they were taking shots at the side of my house , like wtf ? ahah , my mom caught them ! (x hahaha ! funnny . & then the fight happened & my brother was hellla messing w/ my mom , cos my mom was like ; " Ay Pacquiao ! whoooo ! " & then you hear my brother ; " boooooooo ! Cotto ! Cotto ! Cotto ! " Hhahahaha , it was funnny . Btw , the food was hellllla good (: what else happened ? hella shit . I told you abt the view , but i wnt go into details . haha . then we went back in the house to look fr them , they were in the dining room , eating . & they were helllla funny . Esp Mennen . He did his crying face , whoo shit ! tht shit is so ugly , but it's funnny . like iddk . ahahaha ! it's funny . & then what happened was , we sat there , talked , & laughed half the time . & fuckin Anthony told the stupidest joke ever . here it goes ; why ddnt the monkey move ? cos it was dead . ahahaha , like wtf ? stupid right ? Mennen was the first one to leave . & Anthony was hella talking to my mom . Kiss ass -___-' JK ! hahahaha . & then Cris & Anthony stayed till 12 . But no , my mom was helllla uggh ! but anyway , they stayed till 12 something . haha , & fr some reason , what was funny abt them leaving was when Anthony said ; " I hope you remember me in the morning . " Ahahahahahah ! Like wth ? He said tht to my brother too . ahahaha ! & I THINK they coming over next weekend to give my brother a hair cut . haaaah . funnnny . iddk thou . But me & Cris took the longest time to say bye . haha , & my brother was like ; " Awwwwh ! So cuuute . " he's so cute thou (x Cris , not my brother . Ahaaaah . I miss him .. i'll see him tmo thou . yaaay ! Waait , I told you abt my brother sitting on me , riiight ? Oooh , tht nigga is so heavy ! & then he layed on me & then i moved to left & he fell off (: yaaay ! haha , jk . But yeaup , tht was my dad / night . it was pretttty dope . too bad I ddnt take enuf pictures . haha .

Up .

Ommmg , I jst got done watching UP & lemme tell you . I'm completely in love wit it (: it's sooo adorable (: if you havent seen it , I suggest you do go & see it .

<---- the best movie so far (:

111309

Arrrigh , so tday . Seeing Jenn ddnt fall thru ): I wish I saw her . We had it all planned out & everything . But noppe . I ddnt get to see her . & instead , I got to spend the day w/ Katheryn . & we were having good conversations (x I love thaat chick to death . Like you have no idea . Hahahah ! & then we were walking around trynnna find a warm place to go to cos it was fuckin' cold -____-' so we went to Pier One & i felt weird cos we were soliciting ( i was hella using big words around her , i made her feel dumb . Ahahahah ! ) . but then what happened was , we walked out , hahah ! & guess who we saw ! Mark (: I havent seen that niggga in haaaaayla long .  I love his hair . I gave him a head massage & that nigga liked it when I pulled his hair . Ahahah , wth ? But aye , what can I say ? Lol . & then he went into Office Max thinkin James was there . But naah , James came a lil later & then Ryan came (: I love Ryan . He's awesome ! I still neeeda sing to him , but I'm so shy -___- hahaha . But anywaay , this one niggga kept eyeing me . Even Katheryn noticed . I thought I was hallucinating , but nopppe . I saw what I saw . & tell me whhy me & Katheryn's eyes were hellla buggging . I think the lady at Jamba Juice put something in our drink . Ahahahah ! But iddk . Lol . OH ! We also went to Petco & we saw dead fishes D: saad , i kno . ahaha ! thaat's abt it thou . I had a good day (x can't wait till next friday ! yeeee .
arrrigh , i'm done (: byeee !

part 2 .

no these arent sold at Best Buy . It jst means thaaat it's the best price that they can sell it at . ahahaha !

shoe head side of me .. Strictly SBs ?

Wanting these ...

Haaaah .

<---- wanting these bad boys off , FAAAST . I might get them off tmo , Nov. 13 , 2009 . But i doubt it . But I really do hope so . hahaha !
Ugly ass smile thou .


" shieeet , aint my fauly I be mugggin the bitch " ahahahaha ! You probably wnt get it unless you kno abt it . Welll , duhh . tht's the only way you'll get it . but anywho , wish me luck ! hopefully i do get them off (x

How I'd love ...

to be this high off the ground & jst see the world frm a whoole different perspective . how things are different frm when you see things frm others point of veiw . To be this high off the ground & jst see how everyone revolves around the same superficial things . I've had thoughts & opinions on things we go thru on a day to day basis . Some say they arent materialistic , & others are in denial . The ones that arent materialistic wish they were & the ones that are in denial , how much they wish they werent . It's funny when one is so spoiled & dsnt see how spoiled they are till they see someone else acting the same as they had . How some of us are blinded by the truth , cos they focus so much on what they want to believe , but the truth is , it'll never happen . No matter how bad you think it will happen , it wnt . How funny it is when you see ppl or meet ppl that are so closed minded & dnt take the chance to see things differently . how they only say things judged on what they read & dnt experience . They are level 1 questions & they dnt explore their own mind to open to new worlds & ideas . They think so political & dnt even bother to let their imagination run . Not even fr the slightest second . & this question came across my mind earlier tday while I was watching a movie , " who wld wnnna be a prostitute ? " I knno , it's a weird & random question . but who wld wnnna be that ? That's the most dirtiest job you cld ever accomplish . But in my eyes , i dnt see it as an accomplishment . I jst see it as the person you are , nothing but scum & so dirty . Lower than gravel & dirt we walk upon .
Fuck , go kick rocks .
^^ mm , jst random shizz that came in my head .. iddk , thought I wld share that w/ you .

welll , on the good note , I get to see my favorite person in the whole wide world tmo (: My date w/ Jennifer Cartagena ! I finallly learned how to pronounce her last name ! hahaha , & i also learned that she's like 5% spanish . ahahah , whattta dork (x but yes ,  i get to see her fr 2 hrs & then she's off to Sf fr the weekend . I cnt wait to see her thou ! its beeen soo long . I'll tell you abt how it goes tmo thou :D & i'll upload them pictures . Welll , arrrigh . byeee (:

Replay ..

" Shawty's like a melody in my head that I can't keep out , got me singin' like ; na na na na everyday , it's like my iPod stuck on replay . "
<---- now isnt that something ? Haha , look familiar in any of my pictures ? Ahh , I've been thinking lately & the only thing tht pops up is his name (x haha . Idddk , he jst has this hold against me . It's so easy to not be around him , but IMPOSSIBLE to stop thinking abt him . ynnoe ? Ahhh , he's taking over me . haha . We're on good terms thou . he's coming over saturday . & so are other ppl . If you waant , you can too ! Details ? Keep reading vvv


Where ; my place ( ask fr the address offa myspace , or text me )
When ; Saturday , November 14 , 2009
Time ; anytime after 12 .
Why ; Auntie's surprise baby shower & fr the Pacquiao fight .
GET THERE !

P.S. I went back to my 294 number , so if you dnt have it , ask fr it frm somebody , or jst ask me offfa myspace .

Daily Dose of Marilyn Monroe .

" I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else. "

" I'm trying to find myself as a person, sometimes that's not easy to do. Millions of people live their entire lives without finding themselves. But it is something I must do. The best way for me to find myself as a person is to prove to myself that I am an actress. "

" The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up.  "

"Sex is part of nature. I go along with nature.  "

" Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.  " ( my favorite so far . )

" It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space. "

ahh , Marilyn . One of my favorites . Wishing she was born later in life or I was born earlier to have known what she has done better . To understand things better of her . Frm reading quotes frm her & then quotes frm others talking abt how they thought she was dumb or stupid . I dnt get it . How so ? Reading her quotes , she's a poet , deep , & understandable . Ppl see her JST AS a sex symbol , & they dnt take the chance to really understand her . The same thing I'm going thru , except different situation . Ppl think im fake , but they dnt take the chance to get to kno me THEMSELVES . But it's w/e reallly . They're missing out . But anyway , how much I loathe the ppl that call her stupid & dumb . You're probably like ; " You never met her , how do ykno ? " But read her quotes ! She's deep , funny , intelligent fr this matter ,  & a straight up poet . As her ex-husband had said , About Marilyn Monroe, by her ex-husband, Arthur Miller: To have survived, she would have had to be either more cynical or even further from reality than she was. Instead, she was a poet on a street corner trying to recite to a crowd pulling at her clothes. 

Siick

fr the most part .

Migrane , achy body , feeling cold , but I'm hot . tired , flemmmy ( yuck ) , sneezing , coughing like there's no tmo , & NO it isnt swine -___-' ahahaha !

Going to school tmo , but ima be late fr stupid ortho appt .

Sonic Boom - Ghost

My brother got me hooked on this song cos of the beat .

Btw ,

i'm hungry ! take me out to eat or bring me some good food if you love me (: haha . Thaanks .

& btw , FUCK WHATCHHA HEARD (x

Blaah .

Tday , there was no school . Woke up at 6 30 fr some reason . Went back to sleep after an hr & then woke up feeling like shit -___-' hellla wsnt in the mood to go out or see anyone . Well , anyway . I got outta bed , went to the kitchen to eat :D haha . you arrdy kno . Ate a peanut butter sandwich ( there was no jelly ) . Hahah . Watched the end of Harry Potter & The Order of the Pheonix . Took a shwr , got dressed to go no where , then went back downstairs to watch Marley & Me . & lemme tell you , it was like the 6th time fr me to watch it & I still cried ! cmoooon now ! haha . I got hella cold alla sudden during the movie too . Then I watched the re run of the new episode of The Hills . Thaat's the shit thou (x after , I was flippin thru HBO & I found this one movie , it's called I Could Never Be Your Women . Thaat shit is my new movie (x hahaha ! I fell in love w/ it . It was pretty cute too . & there was this guy on there that hella reminded me of him (x Like no lie . Cos he did something that hellla reminded me of what he did to me . It was jst cute . Hahaha ! Maan , I miss him .. Then after that movie was done , I went to go flat iron my hair , haha . Then Milk was on & as i'm typing this , at this very moment , haha . I'm watching it , still . It's a good movie . You shld watch it if you haven't watched it yet . Yeah ? K . haha .

Ommmfg , my dad was on the cpu this whole daay . I had to use my phone -____-' he was playing his stupid poker game & that Farmville shit on Facebook . Ahahaha , like wth ? But yknno . He's jst being ... old . Like my mom (x jkjk . My parents are young . Mid 30s . YOOOUNG . & I love them . haha .

Update .

So , I was jst sitting in my room thinking of how things are going fr me . How things have changed , & how things are jst .. shitty . & to be quite honest , most of the things in life have been shitty . jst never really let it out . The only person really is Myles . & tdaay , skipping 2nd w/ Dominic made me realize that I'm so glad that I met him . He's the besterest friend ever (: I love his ass to death . Like , w/o him . I probably wldnt even been able to get thru the shit I went thru . Ahh . But it's sad cos we'll talk here & there . Like one week , it'll be constant , & then the next week , we dnt talk at all . But yet , he's still there fr me . He jst happens to be distant at times . Then there's my girl bestfriend . My , my , myyy . What can I say ? I love her to death too . I haven't been hanging out w/ her fr awhile either . It's beeen soo long since me & her actually talked on the phone & had a 2 -3 hour convo . The last time I really remember being w/ her was the week before 8th grade started . Oh maan . & lemme tell you . It was one hell of a day . Ahahahah ! & then I remember , I went to her house the day BEFORE the first day of 8th grade cos I had to go pick up my curling iron . But anyway ! I hellla remember after leaving her house , I cried in the car . It was jst sad . Cos I cldnt even " graduate " w/ her . I wsnt there during competitions . & I'm not gnna lie . we drifted . We're like verrrrrrry distant bestfriends . Ykno ? & I actually thought Bethel wld bring us closer , & it did . But not like I hoped . She's so into the band & what not -____-' not to sound selfish , but I hope she dsnt do it next yeaar . Blaap . Selfish , selfish , selfish me ... ahh ! I jst miss her mucho ! Theeen , there's Jenn .. Jennifer Cartagena . Man oh man , what can I say ? It's been 6 mnths since i HAVENT seen her . Ahh , so long -____-' I miss her ! Everytime I talk to her , I jst feel like crying cos we alwaays reminisce . Frm the time when we both were going thru our love problems , to trust issues , & back to being bestfraaayns . Agen (x but I really do hope that I get to see her sooon .  Ahh . Anything else ?

So , I have a feeling that I'ma be on my period . Well actually , I do kno that I'ma be on that shit sooon . Cos I've been halllla bipolar lately . Like tdaay , I jst had hella shit on my mind & i ddnt kno how to express it & I guess my expression was that I was sad .. iddk . I've jst had so much on my mind . Like what makes her a 10 ? she aint even alla that . but then agen , that's his opinion . But it was kinnna fucked up how he jst flat out said her name & ddnt say shit abt me . But w/e . & it's kinna funny how I've seen her around school lately & that bitch keep loookin at me like she got a fuckin problem , so what do I do ? I mug a bitch ! hahaha ! Shieeet , idgaf . She shldnt be lookin at me like that . But w/e . It's jst femaales these daays . Shieeeet . Oh maaan , I fuckin cried 4th period -_____-' Cos me & my mommy were texting & then like , iddk . She was jst like ; " I feel weird tday . & Casey , yknno I love you right ? I wna let ykno . Cos I dnt want you thinking that I dnt love you . " & iddk , it jst hella made me cry . I kno that she loves me , but .. iddk . Idek how to explain it . Blaaah .

Ahhh , I think the only thing going good fr me is , me & him . thaat's abt it . Like , we're on good terms . But it's jst ... iddk how to let him kno . yknno how the say when you get a zit on your nose , it means that you're in love ? well guess what ! I have a freakin pimple on my nose -____-' & honestly , iddk how to tell him or express it to him .. the phrase has been wanting to come out fr some time now , but iddk . I chicken out everytime I'm abt to say it . & so tday , before I left , I was like ; " yknno you mean a lot to me , right ? " Haha , & all that nigga said was ; " me too . " Tf ? Ahahahah ! & then yeaah . Idddk . So much shit ..

No school tmo (: not gnna see him ): Jst gnnna stay home & do .. nothing ..

" I wnnna see what your mom looks like ! "

Ohh shit . So it was Anne's Birthday last night ( yesterday ) & yknno what ? I'ma say it agen !
HAPPY MUUUUFUCKIN ( late ) BIRTHDAY , BIEETCH ! 
hahaha ! I love you Anne (:

Arrrigh , so last night was pretty fun . It was a normal day , went to school & what not . But then SOMEONE took my bracelet ! Hahaha , oh well . It dsnt matter anyway . It makes more sense fr him to wear it anyway , cos it says ; " caseylovesyoou " . But ofcourse , the love part is a heart . Haha . & then after school . same old , same old shit . Talked to Katheryn fr a bit . & talked to Jordan abt somethaaaangs . Haha . Theeeeeen , we get to Anne's house ! Whooo . I love her house (x we were helllla waiting fr Sheri , Franchesca , & Jose . " Yknno , if the E in Jose was silent , your name wld be ' hose ' " - Casey ( me ) . Hahahahahahah ! That was funnnny . & then Anne's lil brother , Anthony , was like , " what's your name ? " ( to Sheri ) & then Sheri goes ; " My name is Leslie . " Ahahahah ! & he was like ; " Oh , okaay . " hahaha ! & he freakin asked Jose if he was GAY ! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! Thaaat was soo funnny . But embarrassing . Maaaayn , I felt hellllla ... idek how to describe it . Haha . Then we decided to finally get rdy after taking pictures on the webcam . haha . " Omg , look at my butt ! " - Me . " It's like a big lump ! " - Joanne . Ahahah ! Funnnny (x But no , it hellla looked like a big lump . & I was in pajama pants ! Haha . Then we got in our dresses , then we all decided to squeeze in the small ass bathroom & do hair . Like , they were hellla watching me do my hair . & then I had to do Sheri's , Anne's , Franny's , & Joanne's . But we had to time -____-' Anne Marie's grandparents liked my hair (x hahaha ! Her grandpa was like ; " You can be a beautician . " I was like ; " Ayyyyyyyyyyyyye ! " Hahahahah ! Joke laang . I ddnt say that . We took hellla pictures thou . It was fun (: shlda beeen there niggga ! Hahahah ! So then we got to Elephant Bar & then we were hellla in the bathroom jst taking pictures . Then we got our table (x Then the appetizers came & then Amanda had said something that sounded like Jeremy & Anthony was like ; " Who's Jeremy ? " Sheri ; " I'm Jeremy ! " Me ; " I thought you were Leslie ?! " Ahahahahahha ! Oh shiiit , we almst chocked on the Sweet Patatoe Fries . Ahahaha ! & then there was thing on the wall that looked like a hellla big ass fish tank , but it wasnt ! I helllla thought it was real . I was like ; " Ooooh , fishes ! " & then it was jst the freakin wall w/ neon lights ! Ahahahaha ! Like wtf ? Hahahah , then we ate . We were hellla sharing food & shit . & Joanne & Jose order these one virgin drinks & they were helllla gooood . Hahahaha . I got this one fat burger . It was good , but greasy / oily -___-' But naah , it was goood . Haha . Then Sheri got rice (: haha , had some of that shit , you arrrrdy kno . Hahaha.
So then after eating , you arrdy kno we went to the bathroom & then we hellla toook pictures agen ! I was like ; " take a picture of me peeing , but I'm not really peeing . " Ahahaha ! & then we went in the big stall to take the picture . & then we heard the door opening & Joanne closed the stalls door & we were like ; " Fuck ! " Haha , cos there was 3 of us in there . Me , Amanda , & Joanne . & we were helllla like ; " Uhhh .... " Ahahahah ! So then I hopped on the toilet & was like like ; " they cant see me now , nigga ! " Hahahah . & Joanne & Amanda were hellla trynnnna pick up their feet one at a time thinking no one wld notice . Hahaha ! That's one of the highlights of the night . We were hellla laughing . Then we went back to the table to have some cake (x & I was helllla full & only wanted a little . & yeaah . Sheri & Jose were sharing & everyone else had their own . & then I guess Jose was like ; " I want more . " Then Anne goes ; " Mooom , Jose wants more ! " & he was like ; " What ? Nooo . Sheri ate mine ! " Ahahahahahah ! But then I ended up eating everyone else's cake . It was gooooood (: Hahahaha ! oh shiiit , then we were helllla laughing . & Sheri was like ; " huh ? noooo . " Hahaha ! Funny stuff maayn . Then we were almst done & I hellla got icing on my finger & got it on Anne . Ahahah , then Jose took his plate & tried getting her face to it . haha . It was all in her haair . haha . then we jst started caking each other . & then Sheri tried gettting me & I helllla dropped to the floor & I tried gettting up , but then I was laughing too much that I jst fell back down . & then I started crawling under the table . Ahahaha , it was funnnny . They were hellla laughing at me . Oh maaan , crazy shit . It was funnn thou . Like I said , you shlda been there ! Hahahaha ! then we were droppping ppl off & when were dropping off Jose , Sheri was like ; " I wnnna see what your mom looks like ! " & all the girls got out the car & walked him to the house . & Franchesca was like ; " We're making JOse look like a pimp ! " Ahahahah ! Funnnnny shiiiiiiit (x What else ? Thaat's abt it . Then I got droppped & the rest is a mystery w/ Anne , Sheri , & Franchesca . Hahaha !

Ahh , PICTURE TIME !
Cakin' nigggga !