Ahh, March (x

It's March & honestly, I think I'm going to give up on blogspot. I love blogspot & all, but really? I'm starting to get more into Tumblr. Idk, I feel weird cos it's like I'm turning back on my blogspot ): Aww, I'm going to miss you blogger. I think I'll update both, in a sense. I'll just keep using both & see which I lean into more. Sound good? Don't worry my fellow readers, I'll still be writing.

While I still have time.

It's 8:55 AM & in five minutes, I need to start getting ready for church. But any who, I'm starting to get tired of Formspring, once again. Who knew that there are hella homewreckers out there -.- Fucking dick heads!
What I hate the most about people is when they try to get involved with my relationship. Yeah, you're probably a friend of Cris' & you're probably just looking out for him, but trust me, we know how to handle our shit! Get that straight. Don't try & get in our relationship unless SOMEONE ASKS YOU! Shit! Dumbasses these days can kiss my ass! Sweaar!
I'm tired of how there's someone out there always trying to bring you (me) down. No matter what it is, even if they don't realize that they're doing it, they always do. I think that's just one thing about me. I'm blunt, but when it comes to people saying that I'm hecka thick (which I don't like), I don't say anything about it. I don't know. Maybe cos I don't want people thinking that it bothers me, you know? But I guess I just gotta say something about that next time.
Ahh, right on time, It's 9:00 & now it's time for ME to get ready for church. See yaa! (:

My, oh my, my alibi

I HAAATE DAYLIGHT SAVING TIMES! Ugggh, it feels like jet lag hella bad!

Badminton has been fun & tiring. Too many games every week. Got 3 games this week. Tomorrow (Wednesday), Thursday, & Friday. How wonderful, right? Only lost 1 game so far (: Against Vallejo thou, we didn't just beat those, we crushed those! 15-0! Daaaaaamn! Omg, Sam drives a BMW! Geez! Haha, I wna drive arrdy! I'm tired of depending on people for rides -.- Dadddddy, teach me to drive arrdy.

School gets easier & easier each day! Like freaaaal. I know I'm passing all my classes for sure (: I'm glad too! Hella tired, thinking I'm gna finish "A Child Called 'It'" My fifth book this year :D heeeeey! Lol.

UPDATE.

Geez, has it been awhile or what?
so today I had a badminton game again. WE BEAT THOSE THOU! It just sucks that the captains weren't there today. At least they'll be there for the first league game. Get there though! Shieeeee. Against Vallejo. Haaaay!

Everything has been crazy lately. Feeling hella tired & just so out of it. I think I'm getting sick. Been having games like almost everyday. Sheesh! But no, I like it. Game days are the best. Especially Wednesdays. They're the best & most fun.

School? Getting better. I better have some kick ass grades though. I'm hella trying not to slack off. But I'm starting too -.- Tisk tisk. Gotta get on that A status like usual. I'm thinking of doing some extra curricular stuff next year since this year is kind of too late. I plan on doing badminton for the next 3 years & MAYBE tennis. I don't know yet. I plan to be a well rounded kid to look good on my college apps. See? I got this all planned out. People think that it's ok to JUST have good grades, but nah. I got family that graduated from Boston College (a top notch school) & they graduated TOP of their class. HEEEEEEY! They was involved in hella stuff! Something I need to do.

Badminton ladies are the best! Hella make me feel like family (: Love them! But they all say that I'm "thick" & that I got a "donk." AHAHAHAHAHA! Suuuuuure ladies, suuuure. Mary just realized that I got ass (x it's crazy out there, right? Sorry that I can't hide it. Geez. Lmao. But yes! We lost only one game! 5-1. Woot woot! Come to one of our games :D they're fun.

Friends... I'm realizing who are the fake ones & who are the real ones. Man oh man does this stuff get hard or what? Oh well, it's all part of high school. What can we do? Nothing but live it & get through it. I may not be ready for what life throws at my way, but I'm always up for learning from my mistakes & others mistakes. That's the way of life. How beautiful.

Ahhhh, I guess that's it. My back is starting to hurt, so I think I'm out. Adios mi amigos! :D

FROM

TO


Ok, so If I had better memory of the original Alice in Wonderland. I'll could most likely tell you the difference between from the Tim Burton version & the Walt Disney version. I kept asking my mom if this & that part had happened in the original one, but she wouldn't answer me. But after the movie, from what she told me, it's like a continuation of the Walt Disney.

If you can recall, she was just a little girl when she fell down the rabbit hole. Now in this Tim Burton production, she's all grown up, was asked to be married & such. Might I say, she's pretty white. Anyway, she's grown up & she then falls down the rabbit hole, once again. There's also a part in the movie where it's like a continuation because there's a part where she recalls that she isn't dreaming. She finally remembers being in "Wonderland" when she was younger. But overall, it was a good movie. I suggest that you watch it in 3D. I simply enjoyed it. I also saw Myles Penaflor (x Love that nigga to death! But yeah, the movie was great. I some what expected more from Johnny Depp, to be more out there, the way he usually is. He's my celebrity cruch, btw! No steals! Get yaa own bitches! Besides that, I'd have to give props to Tim Burton, as always. He did an amazing job with this film. I loved it MY opinion. I wouldn't mind watching it again. So hit me up if you fina watch it! Ahahahaha!

Alice in Wonderland, I give you TWO thumbs up.

The END of February.

My oh my, has this month went by slow or what? There were days when I would stay up late, having people think I was asleep when I was really thinking about the past. Man, how I miss Mennen so much ): He said that he would possibly come back in February, but there's an even bigger chance that he wouldn't... & knowing myself, I had my hopes reaaal high & then as it slowly approaches today's date, February 28, 2010, I'm disappointed... How sad. I hecka miss him. He's my brother from another mother. I miss his parents as well thou, homie! Been deep since I've seen them.

February was a big month for me though. My maybe most productive month every year. But this years was crazy! Birthdays coming at me from left to right. Badminton practice/tryouts. Hella shit! Robyn's birthday dinner would have to be my most memorable day of this month. Besides making the team & having my first game. Boy were those fun. Robyn was callin' me "The HBIC!" You already now though! Head Bitch In Charge! Haha, I have a way with words with those motherly instincts. I guess you can say that I hang around my mom a lot. The other crazy thing about this month is that I never really had much of "me" time. I've been more focused on this month to "please" others... & it's ironic how I just came from church & Pastor Bryan talked about how I can't please anyone. No matter how much we try, it's just impossible. We can only please ourselves. I think I need work on that.

February is also one of the scariest months... Earthquake in Chile (February 27, 2010) that was an 8.8. Crazy right? Which also caused to have a tsunami in Hawaii. Tsunami warnings in Cali. Oh how I pray for the people around the world. Betttta pray fo yo sins homie! The Lord is really commmin. We just don't know when. Fuck that "2012." God can come at any moment. So I suggest that you pray NOW, & ask for forgiveness.

The beginning of March is tomorrow & it's also the month when report cards come in... I pray that I have good grades. I've worked my ass off trying to pull off the grades. Damn though. It's funny how I tend to cram my major homework last minute & still get good grades on them (x But that's such a bad habit. Ever since badminton, I've become more productive & I've been turning in what I need to turn in. Thank you Lord for giving me something to actually work for.

Now that I look back at it, February was my most busy & most fun month so far. Hope I have plenty more to look forward to.

It's been awhile.

Lets start from the beginning.
So Badminton Conditioning has been working my ass! I've been hella tired lately. Like more than you can ever imagine. Things have been more hectic as Valentine's Day was coming. But that's all over. Lemme talk about that for a min or two.
On Valentine's Day, Cris came over :D He surprised me! He came with a bouquet of roses & cheesecake (: (he's trying to make me fat, I believe. Lol.) Then after wards, we went to go watch Valentine's Day. Yes, the movie. The movie was pretty good, might I say. It was surprising to see Jessica Beil & Jamie Fox kiss O.o Taylor Swift annoyed the shit out of me. Jessica Alba made me mad that she left Ashton Kutcher. But overall, it was pretty good (: After the movie, we got picked up & went to my house. Kicked it for a bit & then we dropped off babe. I think my brother was jealous because he couldn't be with his girlfriend. Lmao. Sucks for him! I know, I'm hecka mean. But hey! What are sisters for? Right?

S. C. H. O. O. L! can kiss my ass! Well, not really. Just honors. This essay, that's due on Monday is kicking my ass right now. I mean, I'm so behind! I hecka need to bring up my grade in that class. I'm not even going to say what I got in that class. It's such a FAIL ): Bio is going good. I finally raised that grade. AVID is being a bitch to me (AVID meaning Ms. Brumfeild). & everything else is just a piece of cake.

The weather was beautiful for like 5 days & the sun didn't even bother to come out today D: How sad.

I'm still in need of a leather jacket & new Vans/Dunks/CLOTHES!

Lets talk about conditioning for a minute? Sure. Well, conditioning has gotten easier :D Thank God. Tryouts are tomorrow, Saturday, & possibly Monday. Oh dear Lord how I wish to make the team! I really pray that I hope I do. Because I mean! I did all that work & never missed a day of conditioning. So I better make it. If I don't. I'm going to be so mad. Shit! Right Paulinna?! Jeez. Man oh man. Like I'm fine with the stretches, warm ups, & having a rally. But running & bunny hops? OH HAYL NO MUUFUCKUUH! Ahahahahaha! That's too much! I had to run the mile like twice. Wtf is thaaat? At least I'm getting in shape. My tummy is looking niiiiice (: when it gets better, I'll show ya. HAA, sike!

Boyfriend wise, we're amazingly great! We barely ever talk on the phone now cos of me I'm always falling asleep early. Sorry babe if you're reading this :D I'm always thinking about you though. So it's all good.

Ehh, I'm lazy to write more. Nothing new or exciting has ever really happened in my life, so I think I'll cut it here. I basically covered the usual. So yeah, that's about it. Goodnight & goodbye loves :D

Oh Boy.

How lovely, it's February. Conditioning has become easier & my stamina is a whole lot better. Tryouts are next Friday. Wish me luck!
I'm starting to get fed up with a lot of things, but I won't get into that.
I'm reading like crazy! Been through 3 books in less than 2 months. Holy Cow. & honestly, I love my boyfriend. I thought I would never fall in love ever again, after what happened over the summer, but look it. I made it through it all & I love my boyfriend with all my heart :D Maybe. Jk. I honestly very do. I can't believe I actually said sorry to her O.o Oh well, I might as well start believing a lot of things. I guess.
I'm so mad though, I have no camera -.- The ONLY reason why I have NO new pictures to upload on MS, FB, or BS (blogspot, not bullshit. Lmao.)
Maan, I really am sticking with the words I had said in 2009. I'm buckled down on my school work & I'm actually busy with plenty of things (: & I'm soo glad it's all getting paid off with all the work I'm doing. Haven't been out in awhile though, so take me somewhere! If I'm free.

P.S. I need to hit the slopes, FAAAST!

I've been building my castle of Love.

First things first.
Ok, this is what I don't get. How can someone not like me for NO reason. Like wtf? I guess cos of the rumors she heard? I don't even know. But shit, if you don't fucking like me, tell me up front & stop beating behind the bush by doing shit like for example, when I pass by, don't be like, "EW!" Leave me the fuck alone & we both can get on with life. Grow up a little. Cos FYI, I don't say shit about you! You can believe whatever you want to believe though, cos I don't talk shit about you & I know that for a fact. But that's up to you on who to believe. But I know what comes out my mouth & I know that your name has never came out of it. Cos like really? I don't know why you don't like me. But it's whatever I guess. I'll live.

But anyway, down to the more important shit. I just had to let that out.

Well, yeah. I want to talk about me & Cris. Me & him have been great, I guess you can say. If you look past all the bullshit & what not. Today, everything felt different. When I would kiss him, it didn't feel the same as they use to when I fell in love with him. Then we some what talked about how I felt as if we were drifting & I think I should put it in better words. Like today, everything was different. He wasn't saying "I love you" the way he use to. He didn't hold my hand like he use to. & it definitely felt different, if you asked me. & I don't know if it's me or not, but it's usually the girls who notice things like this more clearly than guys do. You feel me ladies? Lol. But anyway, I tweeted it (how dumb of me), & he got it & we talked about it. Kinda. Sorta. But we kind of had a talk about us wanting to be with each other & everything seems to be back to normal. On the way to 6th & after school, I seemed happier than usual & he liked that I was happy :D First time in a long time that I felt like that actually. He knows how to bring the best of me (; Lol.

Well, it's homework time & Secret Life as well :D & YES! I get to watch it early. Whoohoo!

Pift.

Well, I'm very smart. After being mad like a dumbo, I miss him incredibly much. That's perfectly normal, am I right? I guess. But I'm like super tired. but I just really need to vent. But I don't know if I'll actually vent. I think this is one thing I'll keep to myself. I'm outtie for real this time. Goodnight/morning loves (: byee.

I absolutely hate today!

OMFG! Can things get fucking worse? First he says that he wasn't going to go, then all of a sudden, he changes his mind cos "people" were telling him to go. So what do I do? Be nice & say that he should go. But then I become a worse girlfriend & give him all this grief. But still! He knows that I don't feel right about him going. I don't fucking him like him right now. I can honestly care less with what he does with his life & with everything in general. I could care less to be in a relationship right now! I just really don't care! I hate him, hate him, hate him! For he knew that I didn't feel comfortable about him going. Sure I trust him, I just don't trust the girls around & the niggas he be hanging with. I'm like for real not cool with that. You may be like, "oh, you just over reacting." But no! If you knew the situation I'm in, you'd understand. But really though, I'm honestly done with it all. I don't want him calling me, texting me. Anything! I don't want anything to do with him for the next days. I knew I should've just went to The City. But I actually was dumb enough to think that something would happen this weekend. But come to my surprise. NOTHING! Fuck that. I'm done with everything. I don't even care if Cris is reading this right now. I could care less! Hope you had fun. Don't fucking talk to me for the next few days. I don't want anything to do with you! & I actually had my hopes up that you would be home at 12, but no. I got to wait another hour. FUUUUCK NO! You got me fucked up thinking that I would stay up & wait for you. Shit, you special, but you ain't that special. I HATE being in the relationship I'm in.
These are times when I wish I went to Vallejo & never met you.. These are times when I wish I was single. I don't like being tied down, but it some what has its advantages. But whatever. I'm out. Goodnight.

Google is my professor. Wikipedia, checker.

Hello blogspot. Its been awhile since I've took my precious time to blog about something meaningful. But in the mean time, I'm going to just blog about the usual life styles of my life. It has been pretty lame.

Life overall is going pretty smoothly. But once you add all the BS from all these haters, it becomes crap! Like wtf? Really? Is all of it necessary? I think NOT! So GTFO my Formspring & go to someone else for that. Cos damn straight I'm not the one for YOU to bring all your negativities to. Save the drama for your momma! Thank you (:

School is the same old same old. I'm keeping up with school work this semester. & thank God I'm doing a good job at it (: & of course to be in Badminton, I NEED to have at least a 2.0 GPA. & I'm going to succeed. Damn straight. I'm not going to miss anymore days of school either, I need to make sure I'm there & actually pay attention. I'm always drifting off into my day dreams & I'm missing out on the most important things the teachers say. Especially with Mr. Cirelli -.- He's always picking on me! AHAHAHAHA, but nah. He's a dope teacher, SOMETIMES. but school is good overall.

So my dad works for PG&E & he was gone for almost a whole week! He went to work on Monday & there was just so much power down that he didn't come back home till yesterday. When he got home, I gave him the biggest hug & almost knocked him over (x I love my daddy! It was so boring without him at home. But I'm glad he's home now (: but he hurt his knee D: It's hella swollen too! Poor daddy ):

I'm still in need of a leather jacket! Ahh!

Last but NOT least, my boyfriend (: Omg, he's the best boyfriend ever! He's uber sweet & he makes me smile no matter what the condition is. He's always there when I need him & I'm so glad that I met him :D He means the most to me & I don't ever want to lose him. So if ANY of you snatch, it's ALL bad. He's so into my needs, NOT like that! LMAO. Really thou, not like that. He still gives me those feelings that I can't explain every time I'm around him. I thank God every night that he has given me someone like Cris (: He's mine & I'm proud to say it :D

From the sounds of it, my life seems to be going in a good direction, but really. It's just like everyone elses. Take a look on your life & just see that it's the same as everyone elses. No one is better that anyone for God has made each & everyone of us equally. So stop making your assumptions that I think I'm better than everyone else, when I KNOW that I'm not. So actually get to know me before you start judging me, thanks bitches! :D

My wonder years .

From January 6, 1995 till now! Ahahaha! Went through a whole bunch of boxes & I found these bad boys. Lol.








& NOW ! My oh my have I grown ..

Conditioning.

So badminton conditioning was alright. It was just a taste of what the rest of conditioning is going to be like. It was nice being with the friends & meeting new people (: I hope I actually make it though. I have the biggest feeling I'm going to be sore as fuck tomorrow. Day 2 is on Thursday. But yeah, basically today we were in the spin room, after wards we ran for 10 minutes straight, then we did push ups, sit ups, & rode on the bikes again. While doing so, we told everyone our names & what not. We're going to play the name game next week. How fun. Ahahaha! Siiiike. But it's one way to get to know people. Too bad I suck at remembering -.- It's all good though. & you know what else? This one girl had some pretty ass eyes! I was like, "do you wear contacts?!" Ahahaha! They was hella pretty. I was so scared though that I would be late. Thank God I wasn't (: But man oh man do I hope I make it "/

Be The Light 2010

BE THE LIGHT. January 16, 2010. Get Involved. Be the Change. Take a Stand. MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Yesterday was our youth rally at NHBC (North Hills Baptist Church). It was really fun. The speakers were amazingly good. They did a good job yesterday. Now if only I was able to go on Friday's...sigh... At our youth rally yesterday, we worshiped & we praised God in his holy name. The played good songs & Josh was starting to lose his voice. Lol. I love his hair. & I met another Nikko. Haha. He's a junior as well & a christian. Just like the Hercules Nikko, but this Nikko is taller (x But no, I've seen Vallejo Nikko around school, just never said anything to him. He sings quite good actually (: The best thing that touched me the most at the youth rally was to see people jumping, clapping their hands, singing, & just praising God. I got to see some of the youth of TFBC (: They enjoyed it. & next time, they said they'll bring the whole youth :D woot woot! I'm going to be bringing new ideas to the table for NHBC. Hopefully they'll approve.

But lemme talk about what the speakers had said yesterday.

Get Involved; This was Vicky's topic. Now Vicky had talked about getting involved with the church. & you know, we should. Because the church is the body of Christ. & God has given us each a special gift & if we don't use that gift, he could take it away from us. Some of the gifts can be preaching & speaking out in front of others to teach them about God. The other one can be singing, music (playing an instrument), dancing. & honestly, I have three out of those four gifts. YOU might have some different gift to use & I encourage you to use that gift to help evangelize! Vicky's topic was very touching to me, because both me & her plan to be more involved. Don't let anyone tell us that we're too young to get involved & help change the world.
If only I was taking notes at the time, I would've put Bible versus'.

Be the Change; Now Nikko had talked about this topic. In the beginning he opened in prayer & closed in prayer. But anyway, he talked about being the change. He said that we should be the change. For he had said the ole saying, "If God is for us, who's against us?" Basically saying that if we know who God is, nothing can stop us. We can have the ability & courage everyday. Although we face opposition everyday, we know that God can help us get through it. All we have to do is PRAY! & I encourage you too that you have the courage & strength to BE THE CHANGE. Joshua 1:6-9. (NIV) "6Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore with their forefathers to give them. 7Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8Do not let the Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Now this all ties into Josh's topic

Take a Stand; Josh had opened up in prayer & closed in prayer as well. Now Josh had talked about taking a stand. Acts 1:8 (NIV) "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Josh had talked about facing oppostion in his message. Just like I had said in Nikko's. We face opposition everyday. Josh had also said that is takes faith to take a stand. Meaning, if we don't have faith in God, we have nothing to help gives us that courage & strength to take the stand to Get Involved, Be the Change, Take a Stand, and Make a difference. We need God to help get through whatever it is we're going to go through. Acts 7:54, you can look that up yourself. Lol.

Make a Difference; Daisy's topic was about making a difference. She started off telling us about a little boy named David who made a difference not being aware that he was making a difference. It was in the book of John. I'm not sure what versus', but it was in John. She said that to make a difference, we need to believe in God. In order to make a difference, we need to first believe in God. To make the difference, we need to reach out to those who don't know who God is. They think they do, but they really don't. Read these versus'. Ephesians 4:27 & 1 Peter 3:8. Those are the versus' that Daisy had used in her message. We just need to believe in God to make the stand. & for those Christians out there that are doing absolutely nothing, START DOING SOMETHING! Stop being scared to make a change & to take a stand. Don't think that you're too young, becuase no one is ever to young or too old to evangelize. The little things tou say or do will shine bright cos God knows it was for him. Start getting involved. Be the change that sets the examples for us Chrsitians! Especially the youth cos we are the future. We are the ones that are going to be taking over the church in the future! So why not make the change now?



After all the speakers talked, we had dinner. That's the time when Asiele & Mike & Renz came (: It was nice seeing Asiele again. I love that giiirl to death (: My new home skillet Junior though, ya feeel me? Haha. I also met Nikko during dinner & like it's funny cos he was saying something & he hella just went on a different topic, lol. He was saying that he thinks he has ADD. Lol! He's quite funny. & we just talked & had fun. I'm glad that TFBC came & had fun. & me & Kuya Mark were talking about how to raise money for this years Tsunami. How fun (: haha. A talent show, 2 months from now. Fundraising. Performances. Yup yup. Fun (: More info to come on those. So keep checking. & MAYBE, HOPEFULLY, we'll be able to do a dance session & then a bible study after. So keep in check for those! Yesterday was just overall a good day (: thank God for everything you have done for us yesterday. It was an amazing day. I'm glad to know who you are. If only I had my camera -.- but I was getting annoyed cos I kept getting tweeets -__________-' Yall tweet to damn much. Lol.

My oh myy.

I finished The Lovely Bones & can you believe that I couldn't even get to see it tonight when I've been in need to see that! Oh my Jesus! It's killing me that I can't see it. I'm trying to watch it online, but I don't know. I rather see it at the theaters. The book made me cry though. It's so sad. & I'm like so in love that I want to read it again!

Today was a quite a day might I say (: Brianna had me dyieeeen on the way to fourth period. & what in the world was she wearing today (not Brianna). She looked hella retarded. & might I say, learn how to walk in heels before you actually wear them. Cos you look like a damn foooool! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not to be mean or anything, I'm just helping YOU out. & don't even think it's jealousy. Cos there's nothing to hate on & there's nothing to be jealous about you sweetheart, thaanks! (:
PWAHAHAHAHA, I'm so mean. Oh well, DEAL WITH IT!

This was like the first Friday in awhile where I actually just stayed home & did nothing. I'm usually out & about on Fridays o.o But now I'm just a home body. Staying home, reading, & relaxing. Seems reasonable. Tomorrow is the youth rally (: Hopefully I'll see my giiiirl, Asiele. & the youth from TFBC. Second book of the year, I'm doing goooood (: Lol. Lets keep up the good work guys! :D I'm still keeping up, thanks to goodness. Hahahaha! I need to stop saying the Lord's name in vein. Man oh man. Well, I'm outtie nigggas! Byeee (:

What'd I tell you?

I told you I'm horrible. I'm probably the worst girlfriend he could ever ask for. I'm sorry I can't be that girl you thought I was. I'm sorry I can't be that girl I thought I was. It's just in these past days, weeks, months, I've been in the middle of trying to figure out who I am, again. After Tsunami, things have been different & a part of me wishes I never went so things could have been the same. & the other part of me is glad that I went cos then I wouldn't have had that incredible experience. That joyful bliss I encountered there. How you could feel the grace of God there, just watching over you. How the sermons have touched us all. & how I got to see The Afters (: woot woot! But what I'm basically trying to say is that I don't know if I'm the one for you. I'm not sure if I'm the type of girl you need. You need someone who will treat you better than I ever will. Someone that will be more committed to you & won't do you like how I did you. I did you wrong. We went through hella ups & downs, mainly cos of me. & honestly, I don't know if I can manage to hear you cry anymore. It hurts me to know that you think I don't love you. I'm sorry for everything babe. I wish I could've been a better girlfriend.. I know that you forgive me, but how can you forgive me when I can't even start to forgive myself. Although I know that nothing went down between me & you know who, I can't forgive myself for liking him while loving you. I'm sorry for everything. I wish I wasn't the one putting you through this... I wish I was the one helping you OUT of this bullshit.. Again, I'm sorry...

Badminton?

I guess I'm going to join badminton with Sheri, Janelle, Arleene, Paulinna, Jackie, & others. I don't who else is going to join , but I guess we are. Lol. I guess it'll be fun though. It better be at least. I'll hopefully be more occupied after school. Instead of just chillllen & being a bum. Next year I'll either do volleyball or tennis. Who knows what the outcome will be (x

I can be

superficial at times. I can be the biggest bitch alive. I can be someone you once knew. I can be someone you wish you had. BUT I can be NOT everything you want me to be. Stop expecting so much from me. I'm only human. & the last time I checked, we all make mistakes. It's funny when everyone says, "I'm sorry I can't be perfect." There's no need to be sorry, because NO ONE is perfect. Don't let that go in one ear & out the other. Let it stay in your head. Take it in, let it sit there, & let it marinate in. All I can be is ME & if that isn't enough, I'm sorry. I'm just not the one you want me to be or I'm not that one you want/need. Or just simple, I'm not the one for you. Simple as that.

WEAR PAJAMAS TOMORROW! (:

Today was another normal day. Except Cris wasn't here & I managed pretty well. I feel as if I'm drifting from both Cris & Myles.. I miss my Kuya Myles ): But yes, school was school.

The basics; I woke up late, got ready in time. Switched seats in Cirelli, he assigned us more cornell notes -.- FUCK! "Excuse my french." -Ryan Manlangit (: Man how I miss that nigga! But anyway, switched seats, got more cornell notes. Third period (AVID), Diante kept touching my butt! & I hit him (x GOOD JOB CASEEEY :D Then we brainstormed for MORE cornell notes. Fourth period we had a sub & we just sat there & talked. I was the TA for the day (: woot woot! Then lunch, laame. Fifth period hit & all we did was work on our pieces & then when I was done, I started reading. ALMOST FINISHED! Wheeee (: haha. Sixth period, another sub for the gajabillionth time & that was that. We sat there & talked, I played with Jeno's beautiful maaain :D I love it! & she loves me head massages. Want one? Well too bad! Haha.

AHAHAHAHAHA, this bitch said, "I'm such a mean monster." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, BIEETCH NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!

I'll blog more some other time. I barely have time for a lot of things, but surprisingly I have time for this. But it's that light weight shit. But it's all good. I'm still managing (: I'm so good at this. Unlike others who don't know how to manage. & Anne Marie told me something about Joy, like she doesn't hate me? Well, Idrgaf. AHAHAHA, that's just me though. & yes, Idgaf about no hoe, not saying that she's hoe or anything. Although I heard people say that she is one. Lmao! But whatev. I ain't trippppen about her. She has her life & I have mine. But it's funny when her & other people think that they're so much older & they bag on us freshmen & say that we're hella young & immature, when bitch/nigga! You were us one day too! & some of you still act like immature bitches! DUMB ASSES. But it's all good. I just wish you guys weren't such hypocrites -.-

BTW,

I'm hella excited for NHBC Youth Rally this weekend (: I'll hopefully get to see the youth from TFBC. Woot woot! & at the end of the month, I'll probably head down to Hercules High to see Brandon Fabie dance. He's like my bestfriend now. I tell that nigga everything now. He's hella easy to talk to & I'm glad to have met him! Ily Brandon. Lol. & same to Nathan. That dope weird ass nigga (x

"Whee Oh Whee Oh Whee! Like A Cop Car." <---- annoying ass song though.

Okay freal this time, I'm out. Dueces.

Too many Formspring Q&A's posted on this thing -.-

I'll just start posting them on Twitter. So if you happened to ask a question check the twitter @ twitter.com/caseylovesyoou

It's been a minute since I've blogged about some meaningful stuff. But I'll do that in another blog some other time.
Oh btw babe, HAPPY ONE MONTH! Can you believe it has been one month? Seems haaayla longer than that though. Shoooooot.

Niggga, it's cold as fuuuuck! & I got NO ride to school tomorrow! Fuck, I'm screwed.

Almost finished with The Lovely Bones. I've only had TWO chances to actually sit down & actually enjoy the book! & yesterday, I could've finished it, but I was heading down to the city like ayyye! (: Almost done though. I'm destined to finish BEFORE Friday. & don't wish me luck, because I know I can do it. No mean to be cocky or anything. Yes, I like to read (: Try it! It's good for you & the brain.

Ahh, I'm buckling down this semester. & so far, I'm doing a good job at keeping up with friends, the boyfriend, fun, & mainly school work. Thank God for AVID to help manage our time wisely. No stress so far, although I'm being stacked with homework, but I'm keeping up.

But like I said, I'll blog about meaningful stuff in another blog some OTHER time. I know I blogged about some of it just now, but I'll get into more detail next time. I'm outtie for now. Adios.

formspring.me

are you spoiled how many computers you have and ipods you look spoiled..?

I'm not spoiled. I have 1 iPod . 1 iMac . & 1 laptop . NOT spoiled . Just well loved .

WHATCHHU WANT FOOOO ?

AIN'T NOTHAANG BUT A CHICKEN WAAANG.

HEY HEY HEEEEY! So I'm back again. Today was another slow pace day. Stayed my ass on FB this whole time playing on Cafe' World & Fish Ville. HAAAAY! (x Thinking of starting a Farmville. But i don't know.

I find myself leaning more on the independent side. I'd rather be single than to be tied down. But I'm happy with the one I'm with. It's just I don't know if NOW is the right time to be in a relationship. I think I'm just too use to being single that I need time to understand that to make this all work, I need to commit more & just learn to grow with him & just keep loving him. I guess I can manage that much, but we all have to see what happens... I'm glad though that that certain SOMEONE hasn't been in my mind as much. But here & there he'll pop up in my head. But you know. It's all a matter of time that I'll eventually get over him. I guess it was just an infatuation. But who knows nowadays? Because I sure as hell don't.

I want your everything as long as it's free.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE DE GUZMAN! :D

Yesterday was just another day at school, except it was colder than usual & I barely hung out with Cris. At break, I was with Princess laughing my ass off over the stupidest things (x At lunch, it was still freezing, so I went into the cafeteria :D it was waaarm! Haaayl yes nigga! But then I decided to go to Cris. He didn't do a hot job at keeping me warm, but at least he tried (: School was just flat out school.

Then after school hit! Katheryn come home with me, Cris came over after an hour. We were watching The Hangover (best comedy ever!). Then at 4:30 I started getting ready. I pretty much had to rush -.- & curling my hair went all baaad! My hair wasn't like how I usually do it & it was just all a fail. Everyone said it was fine, but they were lying. Lol. I still love you guys. OH! You might be asking yourself where I went last night. Well, last night was my dinner at Applebee's. It was pretty fun (: They sang happy birthday to me & it was CRAAACKIN'! AHAHAHAHA, I got to see Jenn :D "HIIIIII!" ahahahahahaha! That was funnnny! You just had to be there to get it (x I was reunited with Jennelyn, Jenn, & Bryana. Those 3 lovelys are still stuck at Springstowne, boooo... It was fun though. & I wasn't the only one reunited with Jennelyn. Jovan was too :D them two are some cuties! & I got to see Mike! But then that butthole left & said he was coming back when he really didn't. HIM & DIANTE! Like really? Haha. Oh well, at least he came. Then after eating, we headed down to the movies, it was pretty fun. We couldn't figure out what to watch so we went to Jamba Juice. I don't know how they could drink that when it was freeeezing! JACKIE DE ARCO IS BEAUTY! :D Just had to say that, lol. Jenn has met new people. They were all blown away when they found out she's only a 7th grader. She could seriously pass for a Freshie. Nikko, Asiele, & the rest of the youth at TFBC thought I was a junior/senior O.o LIAAARS! I don't look that old! But anywaay. We were just kickin' it. Most of us were tired. Then Cris wanted to watch Avatar soo bad, so me & him decided to watch it & I actually fell asleep within 10 minutes of that movie. Lmao. But I plan to watch it again with more people this time. I plan to watch Leap Year, Youth in Revolt, Sherlock Holmes (for the second time), Dear John, & THE LOVELY BONES! I'm working on that book though, almost done (: But yes, my night was an amazing night to celebrate my fiftaaaayne. I didn't get home till almost 12.

Highlights of my night;
- When they started singing happy birthday to me & I started dancing like ayyye! Me, Jennelyn, & Jenn were getting hyped. Shieet, had to be there (:
- When I saw my Auntie Gina & all her lovely kids (: Gosh, they're all grown now & I'm getting there.
- When we were opening the doors for people & how Arleene was like, "Welcome to Olive Garden where you Garden is always Olive." Like wth? Hahahaha, we sure can have our immature moments (x
- & how we all had a good day, just spending time with my loved ones (: Thank you guys for coming! Always remember it means alot that you came :D

BTW, DON'T FORGET TO UPLOAD THE PICTURES & HIT ME UP! Pictures will be up asaaaap!

Pictures of MY fifteenth.

4YEARS & GOING (:







I HAD PLENTY MORE , BUT I ONLY LIKED THIS ONE OF ME OPENING MY PRESENTS (x

THIS THING WAS CUTE TO ME & ANGIE FOR SOME REASON.

My first day as being 15.

Today was the day I official turned fiftaaaayne! Haaaay :D I'm so happy with the things that are going so far. Nothing has been going bad, thank God. Man, I'm getting sushi tonight. Whoohoo (: Well, today I got a cake from my besterest friend in the whole wide world. I got my birthday hits from both Myles & Dominic -.- OUCH! & then I killed the cake after school. Thanks Ms. Loushin for finding me a fork (: Lol. My birthday so far is goood. I'll upload the pictures later, after dinner & everything. But yes. BUUUT todaay, I found out something that really opened my mind & let me let go of someone I've been trying to stay away from. Thank you Brandon Fabie for making sure that I don't any closer to anyone. & yes, I'm the one that is willing to make anything work. No matter how far the distance is. I'll meet you half way & maybe even more. Cos that's simply the type of girl I am. It's just too bad that he can't be the realize that. You know? But oh well. Mk, this is it for today. I'm going to continue to spend time with Angie & I'm going to finish the rest of The Hangover. That's like my movie! HAHAHAHAHAHA, "are you guys ready to let the dogs out?" Lmao. Funny shit though man! But yeah, I'm outtie. Dueces nigga! Keep gretting this bietch :D Byeee!

P.S. I got to see Jenn today :D Unexpectedly I saw her (: yee though niggga! I love her to death. The same as Angie & Dominic. & Myles & Cris :D Lol. They are the ones that keep my head up :D Thanks to all those people that greeted me today! Love you all!

Last one for the night.

I honestly hate myself at the moment -________-' He's constantly in my head & I can never get him out. When will this all come to an end . I'm tired of all of this. I need some sleep. Today is my last at 14 & tomorrow will be my first day at being 15. Whoop dee doo -.- Gosh, I'm such a sarcastic little bitch! Oh my, my language. Sorry about that. Well, I'm off to bed. I need to get my mind off him. Cris needs to call before I'm knocked out. Well, bye my fellow readers. God Bless to you all.

I DON'T HAVE A RIDE HOME!

Today was pretty easy going. I was going crazy out my mind -.- I went to Hercules & it was pretty fun (: I went to Hercules High to see a people :D & I had to get something off my chest & damn straight I didn't want to do it through text or anything. You know? I just had to do it in person. But man. I can't help but STILL think about him. I'm like so at lost right now. I don't want to give up on hope though. I'll just go with the flow & follow whatever God has in store for me..

But anywaay. Today I went to Herc to see people & hang out. I told someone something very important. I couldn't do it through text or just do it over the phone. It just isn't right. I was going out of my mind though. Then I had to like find a ride & I thought Kuya Mark would bring me, but HE DIDN'T ANSWER HIS PHONE! So I was there watching the drumline, sitting next to Nathan saying, "Nathaan, I don't have a ride! How am I gna get home?" & he was just sitting there, laughing. That butthole! Oh how I wish I knew how to drive at that time (: But then, Nathan was able to give me a ride. & on the way, we walked Nikko & Naciel home. I met her boyfriend, haha. He's a like a dorky type of cute. Lol. But he isn't christian -.- but as long as he treats her good, I'm ok with that. She's like family now (: But with Nikko, it's different. I just got this feeling with him.. exactly why I'm at lost "/ I just need time to think about this. You know? See how things go.  While we were walking, Nikko got tired & wanted me to carry him. Man oh man, am I short -_______-' Hahaha! But he isn't that much taller than me, but he's still taller than me (x & he knows how to dress . & he's awfully cute! Haha. Naciel likes me for him (: which is a good thing, I guess. But idk if he feels the same. She said that he's picky & fickle minded. So I don't really know about this. Ahh, so much confusion. But today was really spent well. Did the usual, woke up early, waited, then got ready, then left (: It was helllla cold today though. Good thing he kept me warm :D OH! I also met Nathan's soon to be new girlfriend. She's honestly pretty. She's like Keana's height too. Lol. But that's a cute height fr him. & can you believe Nikko wants me a little bit taller when he's not that much taller than me -.- I mean, really? Hahahaha! But sorry hun, I'm not getting any taller. Pwahahaha! That's about it with my day. Tomorrow is school -______-' & now, I gta hit the haaay. Don't forget. 2 more days till the big day! Haaaay! :D arrrite, I'm out! Byeee!

2 MORE DAYS

till I'm hitting fiftaaaayne (: HAAAAAAY!
The past 14 years have been crazy. Ever since January 6, 1995, I've brought my mom smiles, tears, pain, fatigue, & anything else you can ever think of giving your mom since the day you were born. & basically what I'm saying is that without her, I wouldn't have been here.  Plus with the help of my dad, of course. Lmao. Living 14 years in a world that's very superficial, that's full of spoiled brats (I'm not going to lie, I can be one myself), & a world that's materialistic & not enough God believers is honestly, I hard world to live in. But thank God that he's been with me every step of the way & I'm glad to call him my one & only God. Can you say that? Living 14 years with my 14th year being the hardest year. I had to transfer schools my 8th grade year, started at a different school TWICE (Springstowne & High School), & had my heart broken by the one that I thought I could trust with giving him my everything. But since then, I realized that things are too good to be true. I realized that the only good is God & that is something that is not too good to be true. Because it's all real. All you have to do is believe. In this year, I also had my roughest times where I thought God wasn't with me & I just stop fulfilling my commitment, but since Tsunami, I renewed my commitment & I plan to fulfill it like a true christian. I also realized in my 14th year that I can't always expect what I want to expect. I have to simply expect the UNexpected. Which for most of us, it's pretty hard to do. But we all get through it. We build a bridge & we get the fuck over it! (x My 14th year was my best & worst year altogether. I had life lessons, life lessons that are life changing. I became more aware of my surroundings. I've became more open, I speak whatever is on my mind. If I don't like you, I'll let you know. But if I do, then I'll tell you too. I don't deal with that drama, middle school crap, I'm grown & maybe you should try growing up yourself. & it's funny, cos I look back at all the guys that I thought were cute & I especially look back at my last two serious relationships & I ALWAAYS wonder what I saw in them. YUCK! But at least I keep in touch with one of them & the other is just too immature to actually try to fix the patches. Btw, his girlfriend is a down grade & she look like a fucking fifth grader! HAHAHAHAHA, no disrespect or anythaaang.

Haah, I just realized that this all ties into my New Years resolution. My resolution, church/God wise, I plan to actually finish the Bible. Gen.-Rev. instead of just stopping at Mark, Luke, or John. You know? & also to fulfill my commitment of being a christian, & to be more active in my church. Start going to the bible studies again & to start going to the youth on Wednesdays & Fridays. & my resolution, in general, I don't really have one. But I do plan to better myself than I was last year, stop cussing like there's no tomorrow, & to just be a better me. Oh wait! I already said that. Hahaha! But yes, that's that. No bites!

WHEN LOVE IS A RAGING SEA, YOU CAN HOLD ON TO ME.

As I listen, I hear nothing. As I speak, no one seems to hear me either. It's a lose/lose situation. I open my mouth, they take it the wrong way. I keep it shut, they think I have no brain -.- like wth? So stupid. But it's whatever really. I'ma just stay me.

HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY; I went ice skating right? & then all of a sudden, Party in the USA came on & I was standing on the bench & I just started dancing right there! (x like ayyyyyye! Haaah, idgaf if they were looking at me like I was fucking crazy, cos shieeet! At least I actually had the guts to do that! & Hey, I made people smile & laugh. & what can I say? That's what I do best (;

Here are the pictures of today. Check the MS albums fr them.

You asked what I wanted, I want you.

But I replied, I'll have some fries. - Myspace Girl by The Afters

So today was a good day (: I went to church & it was good. We didn't really have to take notes though. Just listened & it was a good sermon. After that, we went to Pleasanton/ Dublin for my little cousins birthday party (: it was actually fun. She had it at this place called Pump It Up & basically, it's all full of jumpers (x uber fun! Then after the whole thing was over, we decided to go ice skating :D it was haaayla fun! I only fell once too (: but when I fell, I fell HAARD! It was like a domino effect. Started with the toe, to the knee, to the side, then to the face -.- ouch! After that, I had went to the City & said hi to a few family & then headed home. Pictures will be uploaded in a different blog.

As I was listening to my iPod, I started getting slepy & just fell asleep right then & there. I woke up to being stuck in traffic in Pinole. The accident was insanely horrible. The car was totally smashed. The Cadillac SUV was off the shoulder of the road, & there was another car in front of it, but the damage wasn't that bad to the first car. The last car was the messed up car. The whole rear end was smashed up & everything. It was crazy. Scary things can happen when you aren't careful. So I recommend you PRAY!

LALALALA, school starts on Tuesday, January 5th (my cousins birthday & the day before my birthday) -.- beautiful! Ahh, sarcastic ass me (x I'm finally hitting 15, the second day we come back from school, the second day of the new semester (which I HAVE to stay focused on), & the sixth day of the new year. Amazing! Not really.. But yes, school will be a major thing in my life now, next to church though. I'm currently active in two different churches, it's pretty hectic trying to squeeze in time for my personal life, church, & school. Just already planning out what I'm going to be doing is driving me insane. But since I'm talking about planning, ON BEHALF OF NORTH HILLS BAPTIST CHURCH, YOU ARE INVITED TO OUR YOUTH RALLY ON THE 15TH & 16TH. The 15th is 6:30PM - 9PM. The 16th is 1PM - I don't even know. Lol. Try & make it. It'll actually be my first rally with them, so I don't know how that will turn out, but it should be pretty good (: Try & make it!
Btw, My birthday dinner is on the 8th @ Applebees @ 5:30 PM. Get there for the ones who were invited! :D Thaaanks!

Second semester will be hectic! Catch me when I'm free, if there's a chance. Hitting the slopes on the 9th - 11th. My one month (x whooo!

January 1, 2010 @ 11:41 PM.

I just got back home from the movies watching Sherlock Holmes with the family. It was pretty good. Like, I'm not going to lie. It was straight up dope. I just had a certain nigga in my head that whole time, so it was kind of hard to pay attention, but I managed. I'll do a review on the movie later though.

Today was pretty slow pace. Barely texted Cris today ): Mainly texted Nikko the whole day. I bought Paranormal Activity today on DVD. Watched the alternate ending. I prefer the theatrical version better. New Years Eve was fun as fuck! Didn't knock out till like 4:30 something. Woke up haaayla early at like 11:11; perfect timing to make a wish (: what did I wake up to you might ask. I woke up to Cris! Haha. I had the worst hangover you could ever possibly think of. Then Nikko had to make me feel bad -_______-' but you know what butthole? I'm not drinking anymore, ok? Are you happy nooow?! Haha, & I am going to change. So stop making me feel baad! Ever since Tuesday, you've been making me feel bad. Meanie butt! But anyway. New Years was just very calm, I think that's how it's suppose to be. Or I was just raised to be use to that type of things. I don't know man. Haha.

I'm soo out of it. I want to knock out hella bad. But I'm talking to someone very important at the moment. But I'll cut it short. Asta la bye bye.

HELLO 2010, GOODBYE 2009!

HAPPY NEW YEARS! HOPE YOU ALL HAVE/HAD A SAFE & WONDERFUL NEW YEARS!

My new years resolution is to actually finish the Bible & stop cussing like there's no tmo! What yours?